whatshouldwecallme:

Hey, everybody!  It’s been a long time!

Now that my first year of business school is winding down I am going to try to get back to posting on here.  I know you all have missed me (/nobody noticed I was gone).

First thing I want to tell you about is DAVE’S COFFEE SYRUP.  Sounds intriguing, right?

I signed up for Fab.com to do some research for my current job and have gone a bit bananas with ordering things.  Dave’s Coffee Syrup arrived yesterday and it is SO delicious.  I just put three teaspoons in a cup of milk and I am totally into it.  I don’t even like putting sugar in my coffee but this syrup seems to be the perfect blend.  With these 16 oz. bottles I will be treating myself every morning for months! 

Regular and vanilla.  $8.95/16 oz. bottle or $15.00 for two!  Why not get two?  YOU WILL WANT TWO.  They also sent me a coupon for 25% off my next order.  IT DOESN’T GET BETTER THAN THIS, PEOPLE!

In case that doesn’t convince you, check out the description from the Dave’s Coffee Store website (http://www.davescoffeestore.com):

“Experience the full spectrum of flavor that resides in coffee beans with two bottles of Cold Brewed Coffee syrup. The Original is hand-roasted in small batches, cold-brewed and simmered with natural cane sugar to preserve the delicate, sophisticated notes that are seared away by traditional brewing methods. Vanilla adds an extra layer of richness to the original recipe. Drizzle over ice cream, blend with milk or add to recipes to enjoy exceptional sweet, smooth aroma.”

Become a fan on their FB (I did): https://www.facebook.com/davescoffee

Follow them on Twitter (I am): https://twitter.com/#!/davescoffeeri

My family is a PARTY, and one of our party secrets is that we like to get together over the holidays and play a game called Oh Shit.  I am feeling very generous today, so I would like to share the rules of the game with you.

I wasn’t sure how to present these, so I looked up a website with rules to other card games and I am going to follow their format.

Introduction

Oh Shit is a game that originated somewhere.  It is sometimes said to be similar to other games, but I don’t know which ones or who makes these comparisons.  There might be some similarities with games played by people in other countries, but I really have no idea.  I learned it from my mom, who learned it from one of her tennis buddies—but I seriously doubt her tennis buddy made it up.

Requirements

• 1 deck of regular playing cards / player
• At least 2 players, but no maximum
  • Empirical evidence leads me to recommend 4 or 5 players, b/c this yields an optimal level of arguments & fun

Set Up

• Start by dealing a pile of 13 cards to each player
  • The first 12 cards should face down
  • The top card faces up
  • No one should look at the cards that are facing down
• Deal a hand of 5 cards to each player
  • Everyone should look at these cards
• Leave the remaining cards in a pile to draw from

Objective

To get rid of all 13 cards in your original pile that was dealt.  The name of the game comes in when players get frustrated and need something to exclaim.

How To Play

• The player to the left of the dealer begins
• You can play cards from your hand, pile (of 13), or discard piles (I will explain what this is momentarily)
  • The only card you can play from the pile of 13 is the one on top, which you can see.  Once you play that card, you flip the card over so that you can see it
• To play cards, place them in new piles in the center of all of the players
  • You may have as many center piles as there are players
  • Each pile must start with an Ace and proceed with a 2, 3, 4, etc up until Queen
  • You can only play 1 of each level of card / pile
• Once a Queen is played, discard the entire pile to make room for another
• You do not need to consider suit
• KINGS ARE WILD
• Once you have made all moves you’d like to make in your turn, you must discard 1 of your cards into a discard pile
  • You can have up to 4 discard piles
  • During play, you can only use cards that lay on top of the discard piles to advance the game
  • If you have three of the same level card in your hand, you may discard all three at once (but not two).  They do not have to be of the same suit
• When play returns to you, draw as many cards as you need to equal 5 in your hand
• Play until someone runs out of their entire 13-card pile (and therefore, wins)
  

Additional Rules

• Reminder: Kings are wild
• If the top card of your 13-pile is a King, you may look at the card underneath to see what it is.  This allows you to utilize the King in a manner that leads to also using the following card.  You do not have to show the following card to the other players
• If you use all 5 cards in your hand during your turn (without discarding), draw an additional 5 cards and continue playing
  

Things You Can Do To Make The Game More Interesting

• Show the other players all of the cards in your hand all the time
• Put some of your cards down another player’s pants
• Try to block other players from getting rid of their pile cards instead of trying to win yourself
• Invite my family over
• Drink whilst playing

Chubby Fries @ Suggins

halloweenorwilliamsburg:

“Nope.  I’m just in an improv group.”

At least he isn’t wearing his chicken suit.  That was creepier.

thecomedystore:

What We’re Doing:
We are transforming a leaky party space in the back of a bar called Luca Lounge in the East Village into an independent theater space for comedy. We are partnering with the owner to fix up the space and program cheap or free comedy and storytelling shows there 6 nights a week.

We have already been producing shows in the space, working around the inevitable roof leaks whenever it rains and now we want to take it to the next level.

With extensive roof repairs, the installation of stage lights and a revamped sound system, production equipment and backline essentials, as well as new tables and chairs, we can create an artist-run hub for NYC’s alternative comedy community.

No more begging club owners to let us try our shows out there, only to have them gouge our friends and fans with high cover prices and drink minimums. No more apologizing to audiences and performers for a sub par room where the laughter dies before it begins and you run the risk of the occasional electrical shock.

A great room for great comedy, that respects the artists and the audience. That’s what we’re building.

Why We’re Doing It:
We’re comedians and producers ourselves who have already put on great weekly stand up shows at cool independent spaces that have since closed like Rififi, Mo Pitkins, and Comix. Every time a venue closes, a huge number of quality comedy shows are forced to scatter and regroup elsewhere, wherever they can find a willing space. Sketch and improv have UCB and the PIT. It’s time for New York’s unrivaled stand up scene to start putting down some roots too. 

The best comedy is smart, reckless and exuberant, and it deserves a venue that embodies the same adventurous spirit (except with regards to roof maintenance).

At one point in time, downtown was home to several venues that offered alternative comedy several nights of the week (Rififi, Mo Pitkins, Ochi’s and Luna Lounge) and they have all since closed. We want to rebuild the space, the spirit, and the community.

Why You Should Support Us:
Over the last two years, those of us involved in the Luca Lounge Comedy Project, as we just dubbed it, have made a commitment to work together and prove ourselves, both to the owners of the venue and the audiences we’ve brought into it.

We currently have 13 shows that call Luca Lounge their home and we’ve had some of the best comedians in the country grace our rickety stage, including: Janeane Garofalo, Fred Armisen, Bill Burr, Judah Friedlander, Reggie Watts, John Mulaney, Lizz Winstead, Donald Glover, Kurt Metzger, Joe DeRosa, Kumail Nanjiani, Baron Vaughn and more.

But, more importantly, we’ve showcased hundreds of up-and-coming New York comedians and we will continue to focus on fostering their work first and foremost.

In short, you should support us because we are true comedy believers who want to support the work of our community, not just our own.

One Christmas when I was much, much younger (and lacked a bit of graciousness) my grandmother and grandfather got myself, my sister, and both of our cousins this book:

How To Be A Lady: A Contemporary Guide To Common Courtesy

http://www.amazon.com/Lady-Contemporary-Guide-Common-Courtesy/dp/1558539395

I’m not sure where I put that book (I threw it in the garbage), and I’m also not sure what made me think about this book over the weekend (I was not acting like a lady), but for some reason I’m tempted to purchase the Kindle edition right now.  I looked it up on Amazon and they have a couple of teaser pages available.  Check out a few of these gems:

“A lady knows whether she has the figure to wear tight clothing.  She knows that just because an item comes in her size does not mean she should wear it.”

Oh, snap!!

“White gloves and hats are not as much part of our dress standard as they were for women of earlier generations.”

The author of this book has clearly not spent much time in Williamsburg.

“A lady never makes a date out of desperation.”

That’s actually really good advice for all parties involved.

Here’s the situation: It’s hot. Like…really, really hot. I would normally have lots of things to say about this potato salad recipe, but I don’t think I have it in me to sit at my computer for very long because it is very far away from my air conditioning.

I’ll leave you with one tip. I used yams in this recipe instead of strictly potatoes because it gives the salad more color and texture, and yams are also a little bit sweet so there is more depth to the flavor. I don’t really know what I’m talking about with respect to that, but sounds convincing - right?

I will now go eat a popsicle, fill my bathtub with cold water, and try to swim in it.

Ingredients

• 6 strips of bacon, cooked, crispy, sliced/chopped
• 1 medium red onion, sliced
• 1.5 pounds yams, peeled, cubed
• 2 pounds red potatoes, cubed
• 1/2 cup sliced celery (about 2 stalks)
• 1/3 cup coarsely chopped italian parsley
• 3 hard-boiled eggs, chopped
• 3/4 cup mayo
• 3/4 cup sour cream
• 4 teaspoons dijon mustard
• 1 shot bourbon

Preparation

• Boil the yams and red potatoes in salted water until tender.  Strain and pour cool water over the yams and potatoes so that they will stop cooking.  Transfer to a large bowl.
• Add bacon, onions, celery, eggs, and parsley to the large bowl.
• In a second bowl, whisk the mayo, sour cream, mustard, and bourbon until well-blended.  Pour over the potato mixture and fold in gently so the shape of the potatoes is not compromised. 

You are absolutely correct, Anonymous bot. I have always wanted to see you naked. Until now.

I am a stickler for grammar and punctuation, and your unfortunate lack of respect for these has seriously taken a toll on my libido. I will not be able to get it up by looking at your nude photos, regardless of how jacked you are.

In case I am your type and you are interested in wooing others like me, here are a few tips from my boys Strunk & White (with a little color from myself):

• Ellipses are traditionally represented by three periods with spaces in between each period. I will admit that the spaces seem a little ridiculous considering we are living in the era of Twitter where characters are a commodity, but two periods followed by a space? Jackass.
• “But” is a coordinating conjunction, and sentences should not begin with coordinating conjunctions. I actually start sentences with coordinating conjunctions all the time because I like to draw attention to them, but that is justified.  Consciously choosing to break grammar rules for this desired effect is much different than your noble desired effect of getting me to see your wang.
• Don’t even get me started on the second-to-last sentence which you end with, “Facebook lol.” Are you fucking KIDDING ME? You couldn’t at least make “lol” its own sentence? I hope you die.

In conclusion, my greatest piece of advice for you - Bot - is this: Know your audience. I do not run around willie nillie making grammar and punctuation mistakes, so I am not interested in mating with a bot who does. You would be more effective if you sent me a message suggesting that I compete in a spelling bee or inviting me to a chocolate-tasting marathon. Fuck you…in your botface.